Secret dreams

Glennon (of Momastery) posted this to her Instagram last week and dammit if it wasn’t encouraging:

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It spoke to me because—and here is my secret dream, people—I want to be a writer. It’s really hard to admit that. Easier to write it than say it out loud. I took creative writing in college but wasn’t good enough to get into grad school. And the short story isn’t “so I became a nurse instead.” I truly want to help people, and I felt called to nursing and am proud of what I do. But writing is something that’s always been in me. I’ve always been told, or assumed, I wasn’t good enough to write novels or short stories. So I slog away here, where no one can really see. Well, just the 150 or so of you who follow me. A number I can handle.

I missed posting yesterday because we were running around trying to cram a month’s worth of fun into the last week of summer. But Mondays are usually my days to regroup, both myself and the house. I sorely missed the quiet time with my computer yesterday, and I missed putting the house back in order after a weekend where everyone was home. I’ll get to that today, but for now, I wanted to share a writing sample with you. I wrote this a few months ago, and it’s very loosely based on my high school experiences. I can’t tell you why when I go to write something creative I go back to high school, but maybe I’m someone who’ll excel at young adult fiction or Chick Lit. For now, I’m going to excel at this blog post. Enjoy.

Paul Wisner was up on stage delivering a monologue about the many uses of toilet paper, a satire piece one of the advanced English students had written expressly for this purpose. Drama Club met after school, something Bailey looked forward to every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with unparalleled anticipation. And according to their moderator, Mr. Wilson, they all needed practice memorizing longer pieces. They were high school students, prone to cramming for exams, prone to cutting class, prone to finding ways to have fun during even the most mundane of tasks, like Bailey was doing now. She was listening to Caroline whisper horrendous things about Paul into her ear: that he preferred a jock strap to the more common boxers every high school boy seemed to wear, that the slouchy knit hat he was wearing had been thrifted and probably had fleas, which would explain why he kept scratching behind his ears every few minutes. Her best jab though, was that as Paul professed his love for Charmin over any other brand, he was really professing his love for Bailey, the stringy-haired sophomore that sat twelve rows back in the large auditorium, sniggering childishly with her best friend.

Bailey giggled just as she had after each of Caroline’s other quips, trying not to let on that she had in fact been in love with Paul for many months. He was a senior and the best actor in Drama Club, and rumor had it that after graduation he was going to New York to make a name for himself. Bailey knew nothing about him beyond that, and sometimes at night, alone with her thoughts before she fell asleep, she wondered whether he would go to college or not, because he was the type who could probably get a job without a degree, and probably a good job, too. She would imagine him walking along the streets of New York—she’d been once, for her aunt’s funeral—and he would be smiling his wide, confident smile, already at ease in such a big, unfamiliar city. [She was so unlike him in this way—she had to study diligently to earn the As she brought home to her parents on every report card.]

Bailey and Paul attended the Ernest Hemmingway College Preparatory School for Boys in Oak Park, Illinois. The school had been founded in the late sixties with money left over from Hemmingway’s estate. His last wife, Mary, had wanted to give back to his hometown, at least, according to the newspaper article, and had bought the old, abandoned school building from the city for a song. The wife of Hemmingway’s oldest son, Byra, had hired contractors and painters to revive the stone building, replacing crumbling bricks and broken auditorium chairs, hanging portraits of the school’s namesake in every classroom and stocking the library with his works and the works of authors he admired. When it opened its doors in the fall of 1969, boys in smart jackets and straight ties flooded through its doors, eager to make a name for themselves the way Hemmingway had. It was a private school, and their parents had invested good money into their education, and they were there to make them proud.

The school prospered until the late eighties, when it was clear that the rising taxes in Oak Park and cost of upkeep on the building were too much for even the richest of the city’s parents to handle. The board voted to expand their student base by opening Hemmingway’s doors to girls as well as boys, a move which the students balked at, at first. In the two short decades Hemmingway had been in operation, it had morphed into a boys’ club of sorts, a who’s who for the teenage royalty of Chicago’s western suburbs. The boys were smart, rich, and creative, and those few that were there on scholarship knew their place and kept to it. The addition of girls was an unwelcome one, and Paul was a member of the last all-boys class the school would ever see. He was crude, even vulgar, when he was with his friends, shouting come-ons at doe-eyed freshman whose pleated uniform skirts swished seductively above their knees. The girls would furtively look around for the source of the insult, then scamper away into the shelter of the closest stairwell, hugging their books tightly to their chests as they went. The building Byra Hemmingway had so eagerly made over was actually built in the 1897, and resembled a Scottish castle, with classrooms hidden up in narrow turrets and a bell tower that still functioned. There was always somewhere to hide.

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