Parenting

On being “busy”

I know I haven’t written in a while, and I’d like to tell you that it’s because I’ve been busier than usual, and I have. But what I’m learning is that my level of busyness is a few notches down from everyone else’s. Because I have depression, it’s sometimes difficult for me to leave the house. Heck, it’s difficult for me to get out of bed some days. And I know the frequency with which that occurs isn’t normal. But it’s my normal, my depressed normal. And I haven’t decided yet how I feel about it.

In the past, I had never felt bad about not being busy; frankly I hadn’t even noticed it. But this year, CJ’s a little bit older. He’s having more playdates and I’m getting to spend more time with his friends’ moms. Which I love, don’t get me wrong. I am BEYOND thankful to have mom friends who are experiencing the same struggles as I am as we raise our kids. But these moms are truly busy. They work, they come home, they make dinner, they participate in school events—one of them is even on the PTA! (Although, I would totally join the PTA if I didn’t work evenings). My point is, these moms have a full day, a fuller day than I could ever imagine. And they’re content! They’re happy. They’re able to do it all, or at least, do A LOT more than I do in a day. And they’re not hiding in bed feeling overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of it. They just wake up and do it all again the next day, as if it’s normal. As if they’re used to it.

For me, a busy day is running errands in the morning and taking the kids to the park in the afternoon. After a day like that, I don’t always have the energy to make dinner. A day that involves grocery shopping is a day I will definitely be taking a mid-afternoon nap. And any time I take my kids on a day-trip somewhere you can bet I’ll be out of commission when we get home, as in, in my bed for the rest of the night please don’t bother me not even if you have a booger you can’t figure out how to wipe off by yourself. I am taking my medication and I am trying to spend time outside each day, even pushing myself to get a short walk in when my schedule and feelings allow. I think, though, being busy just isn’t my thing. The overscheduled mom is not someone I can relate to. If one area of my life gets busy, I let another area go. Which is what happened recently. I had a few bigger projects due for school, I embraced a new cleaning routine, and I started Christmas shopping. All of which has led to a decrease in my online presence. I do try to keep up with my snarky comments on Twitter, but I haven’t felt like I’ve had the time to sit down and write a thoughtful post. So here I am now—thoughtful but maybe not as meaningful as I would have liked. Either way, I hope this post finds you well.

And not too busy.

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4 thoughts on “On being “busy”

  1. Kate says:

    I so loved this 🙂 Even though I’m not prone to hiding in my bed, when you say, “being busy just isn’t my thing. The overscheduled mom is not someone I can relate to. If one area of my life gets busy, I let another area go.” it really resonates with me. I am totally this way too. I like being decidedly NOT “busy”, a state-of-life it seems so many folks are wearing as a badge of honor these days. This is not to say I don’t have busy days, when I’m cleaning like a maniac or running a bunch of errands, or even busy weeks, when there is a perfect storm of events/obligations that all just happen to fall in the same week…but I am glad that those kind of weeks are few and far between (and mostly avoidable if I just keep an eye on my calendar and say “no” a lot). Recently I read Jen Hatmaker’s book For The Love and she says “If it’s not a hell ‘ya, then it’s a no”. I couldn’t agree more. I love my simple, slow life – where there is time enough to do what really matters to me, and mostly everything else can wait until another day.

  2. Eunice says:

    I relate far more to you than I do the overactive moms. There are times I just need to cocoon. And sometimes, we already have plans. And sometimes, Alissa gets REALLY disappointed and angry with me when I promised a day at the zoo and I can’t even make it to the bathroom. I’ve learned that it’s far more important to keep myself healthy (which means listening to what it needs) than it is to push beyond that.

    And you know what? Those of us that aren’t overactive are enjoying these moments more than the ones that are focused on where they need to be next. 😉

  3. Pammie says:

    Thanks for your encouraging words, guys! I appreciate knowing that maybe I’m more “normal” than I thought. Sometimes I go through my days thinking I should be more/do more/be better at everything in general, because I know these mom friends and they’re wonderful, and so easygoing–they don’t fit the stereotype of go-go-go all the time, in my mind. But they do go-go-go. And I sleep sleep sleep. So you know. I DO enjoy my slowed-down moments with the kids, and right now, this lifestyle works for me.

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